Pheromone Girl Grows Up

Once upon a time...

9.21.2009

3-2-1 Contact


I got a hug at work today. My cubemate wasn't feeling well, I offered her encouragement, told her to go home early and she gave me a hug. She is from a culture where affection is not shown. Women are not shown, either. They do not drive, show any part of their body except their eyes in public and they are indentured servants to the men they are promised to, by their families, when their marriage is arranged.

This small show of affection meant so much to me, I can't even describe it.

Do we ever get enough affection, enough contact? Babies that are denied touch often grow into very disturbed adults. But not always.

My parents didn't touch me. My mom because she was more interested in older people and only had children because it was expected. I don't know that she ever overcame that, but occasionally she will let me hug her. I've never kissed her and I would feel uncomfortable if I tried. My dad has huge, major issues. I wouldn't have wanted him touching me as a kid, now that I know what I do. I guess he was trying to protect me in some weird, twisted way, in keeping me at arms length.

When I started dating at 17, contact was a HUGE deal. Kissing and holding hands and hugging. So now, as an adult, when I often feel there isn't enough contact for me no matter what I do, to get a hug from a sweet, kind and wonderful new friend meant so much, I couldn't even speak. She, who is breaking traditions long bred into her culture, reached out to me and made contact.

Maybe its time to do the same, myself.

17 comments:

Grammie said...

Of course we are all following your new blog, silly. : )

Sending hugs your way....
xoxo

Pouty Lips said...

I don't see the follow button :( I'm pouting and tapping my feet.

Fireblossom said...

What a neat thing to have happen! My mother never touched me when I was a child, unless it was for some practical purpose. My father did, but only once in a while. So I grew up and touching was foreign to me.

Um...not anymore! LOL.

e! said...

I actually didn't get hugged or hug anyone until I was in my late teens. My best friend's family were all big huggers and I spent so much time with them it eventually rubbed off on me. I remember the first time I was hugged by one of them I felt the urge to flee... I am glad I didn't, but it was touch and go for a while there.

Mama Zen said...

There's no such thing as too much affection. I'm a hugger!

G-Man said...

You've NEVER kissed your mother?

It's a miracle you ended up normal!!

I bet your kids get lots of affection!!

Shionge said...

Don't grow up too fast though heheheh.....catch up with me first coz I am so much 'OLDER' than you ;)

Anyway...sending Big Hugs your way PG :D

pheromone girl said...

To follow, you can copy my blog address from the web browser (without the dates and blog names - just the part up to .com) and then go to your dashboard (where you see all the blogs you follow) and click "add". Paste my address into the window that opens and follow me.

I'm working on trying to add the standard blogger header, but I'm still new at this complicated world of html so it may take a little bit.

Hi everyone!!

Kelly said...

How sweet of her it was to reach out to you like that - and it's obvious you've given her a reason to feel that you're trustworthy.

Blogger should also give you the option of putting follow buttons in the sidebar as a widget, I think, if for some reason you can't get the header in there. Up in my address bar (I use Firefox), to the right of your address, it shows a little RSS icon that you can click on to subscribe, and it works with almost any reader that's out there.

Whitemist said...

How well I understand your comments and feeling about contact. Sometimes i almost feel starved for it. We share much, Pheromone girl, we share much.

LL Cool Joe said...

I've managed to get on your blog to comment!

How cool to get a hug like that! I'm not too good on the tactile stuff myself, but I'm really working on it.

I've never understood the appeal of this "free hugs" thing either. I definitely wouldn't want to get a free hug from a stranger, but I love to get one from my partner. :)

Darth Weasel said...

First off, major kudos on the pic of two of the greatest characters in all of history. Greater, I daresay, than the Great Emancipator even.

On the contact thing, I come from slightly the other side of the fence. I like my personal space and except for very select people who I have known for a good deal of time, I am very uncomfortable when people I have just met in a casual; setting, for example, or who are celebrating an exciting play at a sporting event, try to hug.

Time and place it is great. Wrong time and place...I prefer not. I suck.

Granny Annie said...

This is an unusual topic for me. Our family did not show a great deal of physical affection but we were an extremely close family. We would hug relatives who came to visit and when they left. We would kiss our grandparents but never our parents until they were quite elderly. We were too busy hitting siblings to hug or kiss. I do not like to go to churches that have a touching and/or hugging session. I had a huge phobia about one aunt that always wanted kisses. She terrified me and I even wrote a horror short story about her. LOL I believe our family hugged with laughter. We did and still do a lot of laughing.

Scarlet said...

This story is incredibly cool, but sad, too. I'm sorry to hear you weren't hugged regularly as a child. My family is touchy-feely, to the point where I thought everyone that hugged and kissed me automatically loved me. Not good during the teen years!

G said...

I don't mind the close contact with other people. I know with some of my closest friends, a hug is part and parcel of a greeting or a leaving.

Had a lot of that as a kid, and it has stayed with me as an adult.

Cheffie-Mom said...

I'm sending BIG HUGS your way!!

Riot Kitty said...

We are definitely a huggy family. Even moreso now that I have younger sibs.

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