Pheromone Girl Grows Up

The girl sits quietly in her room, reading a book well beyond her years. She ponders the strange turn of events of the day, where her father was angry at her mother and yet she was the one who was punished.

"I need to learn to be more quiet," she decides and makes a note in her journal as a reminder. "Be quieter" it says. She whispers it under her breath a number of times, a mantra of what to be.

Her goldfish, Magellan, sits in his bowl, watching her, blowing bubbles and telling her things. Important things, but things she doesn't understand.

Outside, a storm brews.

She daydreams about toes in water, walking along the edge of the sea. Her calmest moments, her bravest, are when she is near the ocean. "Some day, Magellan, I will live in a cabin at the shore, with a wood stove to keep me warm. And you to keep me company."

She's focused on her book, about a man and a whale and wishing for things you can never have. She feels sad for the man, one who never understood that the simplest joys are those found right under your feet, in the form of a snoring Beagle that loves you best, despite the bribery attempts of those annoying brothers. Be quieter. Brush your teeth. The mantra repeats until it is embedded in her mind.

She feels disconnected at times, like she belongs to another family in another world. Ancient and a newborn, all in one breath.

Magellan swims faster. The girl wonders at his speed. He knows something is wrong and wants to warn her of the storm approaching. But, she doesn't understand his language, at least today. She watches the clouds out her window turn darker grey as the wind picks up.

Her father storms in the living room, yelling at her brothers that their sister is an idiot. A pain. Not worth the air she inhales. Wishing out loud to have had a son in her place, a boy that would have been helpful and not so needy. If only, he'd say out loud, she weren't here, my would would be better.



At sea, the thunder claps and the wind picks up speed, making its way toward shore.